Unwanted guests: A pain in the Christmas budget

On any normal weekend or holiday, this would be bearable – but not during the extended Christmas holidays though. This is your time to relax, to do your thing with those you love or those you choose to tolerate.

It is not a time to be babysitting leeches who seem to have a hold on your wallet so tight you’re sure you can see a hole through it.

A sophisticated survey was conducted in an office whereby the participants were asked the simple question: How do you rid yourself of unwanted guests?

The answers varied from offering to do their laundry and mixing the whites with the coloureds, or to stop feeding them. However, the favourite option was to hang an “Oscar lives here” sign in the shape of a cricket bat on the bathroom door.

There are many subtle ways to convince your unwanted guest that it is time to pack up and leave, without having them sprinting out your door in fear for their lives.

These were some of the more sane suggestions:

  •  Have a family member call you and announce how sick they are and that they need you to come and take care of them. (This can only work if your house guest is not family themselves.)
  •  Tell your guest you made plans with your family or friends for the rest of the holidays that you simply cannot get out of. Do not forget to post photoshopped pictures on Facebook as proof.
  •  “I’ve run out of food and money.” Now this may mean starving yourself for a few hours or days (at worst), but don’t worry, all good hunger strikes have their just rewards.
  •  Karaoke, at midnight, with a specific selection of songs. Songs such as If Leaving Me Is Easy by Phil Collins and If You Leave Me Now by Chicago. Put an emphasis on LEAVE.
  •  Hide. Now this might not seem right, but hide everything. Your toothpaste, cereal, milk, tea bags – anything that makes your home comfortable, HIDE IT. The DSTV remote ought to be enough.

If none of these work and you still have a guest that just won’t leave, do what you should have done in the first place. Talk it out. Only a person who truly enjoys your company or needs you in their life would be able to endure all that and still stick around. Besides, honesty is always the best policy.

Thandi Ntobela

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